thanks for following. it means a lot. my blog is nothing without you. and of course, posts. and that is what im here to address. please submit your stories! it doesnt have to be long. it can be inspiring to depressing to humorous to anything at all! please. thanks. i love you all!
so this isnt that serious in comparison to other stories i’ve seen on here, including yours. but i guess i have to let it out. like many other girls, my story started with a guy. this guy, i knew him since i was little and we were always just friends and would joke around with each other for years and years. if anything looked like flirting, it was a joke. we would stare at each other in class and then laugh it off after the few awkward seconds. my seventeenth birthday marked the day of a different glance. he looked at me. and for some reason i couldn’t laugh it off. he told me he was beginning to like me the day after. and i was beginning to feel the same. we were supposed to “let things flow.” 3 or 4 days passed and we never got to hang out, though we were going to get to it (we’re both not allowed to date so anything we did had to be done under the covers). the weekend came and i went on a trip to see my friends at uni perform at a show and he went on a school trip for the whole weekend. i went to the show and saw these cute guys, but thought about him. i missed him a lot. and then came the afterparty. it was at a club and i got a bit tipsy and stupid. i knew what i was doing, dont think im blaming it on the alcohol. but it made me really stupid and i ended up hooking up with two guys. i continue to beat myself for that day; i think doing those things made me more attached to him. stupid. i came back and he came back and we talked and i told him i had to tell him something. i did. and then he told me that it was okay. because he started liking someone else now. on that trip, he started having feelings for this girl from my school. who did have a boyfriend. which changed soon after. he had feelings for me. how could they go away so quickly? HOW. then again, how could i be so stupid with what i did that night? karma is a bitch. i spent the next months being miserable. i cut myself. i cried a lot. sad songs. you know the drill. eventually they broke up because she couldnt get over her ex. and then his feelings for me. i would talk to a guy and he would get jealous. i would just mention a guy and he would tell me to not compare them to him. that’s the extent to which he would feel to me. he’d mentioned he wanted to make a move on me a couple of times. he really liked that i liked him. the fact that i still had feelings for him made him feel so great. he was thoroughly full of himself. and he didn’t really care if he did take advantage of my feelings. and so he did. we were texting one night and he told me he wanted to see me. so he snuck out and i met him outside by our back door. and he gave me a big, tight hug. and kissed me on the forehead. and then told me, don’t tell anyone about this. and then started kissing me. it didn’t even feel right. but i did it. and it went too far. he initiated everything. and i just let it happen, though i stopped it when it passed the limit. he was so sweet that day, even if it didnt feel right. after he came home, he texted me and told me that he thought he rushed things and that he liked me but wanted to win me over without kissing me. it made me feel so great. and then the next day came and he stopped responding. im very anger prone and i told him that i didnt want to talk to him or see him ever again. which obviously was girl talk for i wanted his attention. no response. three days passed and no response. then i texted him politely yesterday. telling him that i understand he probably doesn’t like me. and he said he’s lost in his emotions. and after that, no response from him. i’ve never felt so used and disgusting in my life. i honestly feel like i have no value. i’ve been striving for guys’ attention all my life and i’ve hurt myself mentally and physically and i think i’ve reached the point where im done. i cant do this anymore because so many have hurt me. i’ve had enough. i just want to run off to a distant country and crawl in a hole.
I have done it all, seen it all. I know you say that’s impossible but I have. Sure I haven’t been to every single country or city in the world, played every sport, went to every club, etc. but the things I have endured makes it feel like I have. I’ve been up and down the east coast moving around, partied like a maniac, been loved, loved, hated, fought, cried, etc.
I would have to say the most traumatic things that happened in my life were getting raped, losing my best friend, and moving to Georgia.
Being raped is traumatizing on it’s own but I guess what made it really get to me was the fact that I was blamed by people I cared for it. I mean I was used to sexual abuse because when I was a child that was my childhood but when I was raped I was 19 years old. I was involved with this guy at that point… well it was kind of serious… well really serious. I was always with him and his family and knew that his cousin and his uncle liked me in a very unusual way but I thought nothing of it. Well, one day I went over his house to hang out but only his cousin and uncle was there. I decided to stay knowing that he would be back soon and I had been alone with them before. Well I was taking a nap in his room when they came in…you can imagine the rest. I told my boyfriend and my best friend at that point in time. My boyfriend broke up with me and told me I was a liar :\ my best friend I shouldn’t have went in and I had it coming. Yep, I spent a week in the house and didn’t mention it to hardly anyone else. My family still has no clue about it.
Losing my best friend isn’t exactly the best way of putting it. Losing all of my best friends, it’s an ugly pattern in my life. Anyone that is close to me I always lose them. My first time having to deal with this was when I was like 6 my bff used to live next door his name was Joesph. We used to do everything together but one year his family moved out of state. We kept in contact for a year but then he disappeared now I don’t even remember his last name and lets face it Joesph is a very common name. Next time I lost a bff I believe I was 9 or 10, he got shot in a drive by :, leaving me with another void. I remember I didn’t want to believe it was true but had to face the facts when I saw him in the coffin. 14 Cori and grew apart she got new friends and left me hanging. When I was 15, my best friend at that point Sabrina moved to florida and we kind of just lost contact. I got back in contact with her recently but it isn’t the same anymore. 17, Danielle and Alex, I was in Georgia I don’t know where it ended. I still talk to them though but again not the same. 19, Nha she went on a suicidal rampage and I told her parents to try and get her some help after she stole her dad’s truck and tried to drive it in a river. 19, Donald, my cousin but he was like my other half even though we fought 90% of the time, he was shot and no one called the cops to save him. 20, Ashley, my sister it began before 20 but 20 is when is was obvious she was just my sister and no longer my best friend too. I tried so hard to salvage the relationship by overcompensating and spoiling her and always trying to be there. Didn’t work. 21, Shante, thought me and her would be friends forever. Not so I guess, I guess it’s because she’s stuck up her boyfriend’s ass. I mean it got so bad I was doing my loud ugly cry on the phone and she was laughing about what she watching on t.v., unloved.
Moving to Georgia was the worst thing that happened to me. I was excited to come down here my boyfriend at the time had moved down here we were so in love, that was the only person I wanted to marry. About a month or 2 after getting here we broke up. I didn’t eat sleep.. nothing for almost a year :. I did my senior year here and everyday is was going at it with the administration staff because they were trying so hard to fuck me over. Like putting me as a 10th grader when I was a senior and had enough credits to graduate when I got there, taking credits off of my transcript trying to make me stay longer, putting class I had already taken on my schedule so I wouldn’t actually get credit for it, ect. Every day that I have been in georgia has been a battle.
The best things in life:
My nieces and nephews. They are my world although it’s difficult when their mothers don’t wanna take care of them properly and drop them off to me all of the time. I actually raised my 7 year old niece up until the age of 5. She is the main reason I am alive today. I mean I was going through so much stuff during that time and knowing that I was the only one who was watching her taking her back and forth to daycare and school, buying her clothes and food, taking her out to parks, putting her on a sleep schedule, and everything else made me know that I was the only person that she could count on. Even though I wanted out so bad I couldn’t because I knew she needed me. And now that I have 8 of them I know that I always have to elevate my current status to be better for them so I can be that person that they can count on forever whether it be a place to stay or money for field trip. Every breath I take is to be better for them.
hey followers. thank you so much for following my blog. its truly an honor. you dont even understand. i love all 50 of you guys. but i have this issue. i have all 50 of you guys with potential stories and i only have posted one. it doesnt have to be a sad story, or an inspiring story, or anything of that sort. it can be a memory you had or a story about your best friend.and you dont have to reveal your identity. answer with formspring or in my ask box and i wont even know. so come on, you have a story you could share. so share it.